Air hazards, archaeology and horseshoes in the desert In Utah, 67% of the land (mostly really rural) is owned by the U.S. government and administered by its Bureau of Land Management (BLM). Last year the local BLM honchos pilgrimaged to my office. Odd, to say the least, since these guys are not known to return letters or voicemails (forget actual phone contact). That all three came made eyebrows rise. "Please connect a phone in the new Vernon fire station." Chuck declined. We had no easement. FIRE SEASON Need phone. They dug the ditch. Laid down a wire. Please splice it into our ped? Chuck said no. It was a long way. But I told the three who came, hats in hand, that I would jump in the Mooney and fly to the station for a look-see. If the ditch and cable looked okay, we would hook them up. Sans ROW. I did. The propeller got green-tinted from weeds on the airstrip. On leaving, a curious BLM electrical contractor whom I had instructed how to wire the new line, walked over to watch me taking off. And realized that standing close to a road with a 6-ft. wide truck coming at you is way more tame than a 35-ft. wide low-wing airplane. He later said he feared for his life and had to run from the runway. On hearing the tale of his turning tail, BLM brass who had been denied by Chuck (but favored by me) told their BLM cop to investigate this crime. "Scaring" might be good. INVESTIGATION It took a year with countless hours of investigation. He called FAA for my medical and 55 years of flying. Dig. Dirt! Revenge? Attempts to get state aeronautics and FAA guys involved. (No way). Hauled to federal court. Refused to be trapped into pleading guilty and paying a maximum $100 fine. (Then they would go to the FAA and say, 'See, he admitted to something bad.') U.S. attorneys won't accept a no contest. Two appearances in the U.S. District Court. The charge? Creating a hazard. The BLM contractor said he was scared by the plane taking off. BLM cop took a year. Big file. The maximum penalty: $100. Trial. Scared and stupid go together it seems. The kindhearted judge recognized that ol' Art was just trying to help the poor ol' BLM in a time of need. She cut the D.A.'s recommended fine in half to $50. Oh, well. SPACE MEETS CULTURE Twenty years ago, REA funds paid for 220 miles of copper to enable first time ever phones to 150 families residing in western Utah. Also because of REA, the area got electric power. Roads are improved. Dirt to gravel. Fast forward to the turn of the century. Was time to replace the buried copper with glass. BLM forced us to burn a wagonload of money on archaeologists and environmental consultants. Walk all those miles. Write down anything over 40 years old. Don't touch. Lord, don't touch. During one walkabout, our gal picked up an old rusty horseshoe. Asked a BLM archaeologist if that was an example of a historical artifact? He then asked "exactly where the horseshoe was laying, face up or face down." Ordered it restored it to its original resting place. Wondrous finds like this are called "cultural resources." Got to inventory and plow around. King Tut in the desert. Last month, the space capsule crash- landed in the west desert. Someone, maybe NASA, found a horseshoe laying nearby. It now proudly graces the window of the clean room. If that BLM archaeoloist had been there, his BLM cops would seize the offenders. 'Course, the Army MPs might just shoot BLM's guy if he tried to claim that horseshoe.   © Beehive Telephone Co.